Behavioral Health Specialist Evette Bass explains what trauma is, how it affects life, and how to help loved ones who are suffering from a traumatic experience.
*Trigger Warning: Sexual, Physical, and Verbal Abuse* Show Notes
Behavioral Health Specialist Evette Bass explains what trauma is, how it affects life, and how to help loved ones who are suffering from a traumatic experience.
*Trigger Warning: Sexual, Physical, and Verbal Abuse* Resources: The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma, Sex Abuse Treatment Center and Hotline: http://satchawaii.com/, Domestic Abuse Hotline: 800-799-7233, @TraumaBreakThrough, @TraumaAwareCare What is trauma?
"In a nutshell, trauma is just awful experiences that people have gone through. It's really common. It's any uncomfortable violation against yourself that you can repress, numb, or express." A lot of trauma happens in childhood. Parents swearing at, humiliating, hitting, or putting you down. Someone causing you physical harm, or someone touching you sexually. Even being alone for long periods of time.
One time events can be traumatic like an attack, injury, or illness. Ongoing events can be traumatic as well, such as living in a dangerous place, bullying, and chronic illnesses. Other common experiences such as death of a loved one or the ending of a relationship can be traumatic as well. How does trauma affect people?
"Sometimes it gets trapped in your body or repressed and you don't remember it, but then you'll suddenly start crying or get really angry and you don't know why. Triggers are when a sound or smell or environment reminds you of your trauma and takes you back to it."
Evette mentions that for men, often the most socially acceptable response is anger. The left side of the brain shuts down when you're triggered. The brocha's area where the speech happens is on the left side. So when someone is triggered they're not able to talk about it. And when trauma happens in childhood, even if they are able to talk about it, they might not have the language or feel comfortable sharing the details. "Your body keeps track of your trauma," she says. "You might go to the doctor complaining of headaches or pain and they prescribe medicine, but it could be trauma related." She says that the book "The Body Keeps The Score" details this. Traumatic experiences can also impact parenting and family dynamics, and the stress from trauma experienced by expectant mothers can have implications on the fetus. What are some things people can do when they get triggered?
"Breathing is the easiest thing you can do," she says. "Breathe in for 4 seconds, breathe out for 4 seconds - or however long works for you. I do that whenever I get road rage." She also describes a strategy where you can distract yourself by finding 5 things you can see, 4 things you can touch, 3 things you can hear, 2 things you can smell, and 1 thing you can taste - or some variation of that countdown that works for you. "Rages are unhelpful," she says. So if you can avoid them by distracting yourself or breathing, that is beneficial. Another breathing strategy is to trace your hand and as you trace up a finger you breathe in, and as you trace down you breathe out, and you pause at the top and bottoms of the fingers.
How can we help loved ones who have experienced trauma?
"Being there without trying to fix the person. You might want to try to help them and you don't know how so you try to offer solutions or you compare your own experiences. But that's not usually helpful. Lending an open and understanding ear and being there to support is what you need to do. You also need to help them trust you so they can talk to you."
"Another common thing is from trauma survivors to open up and over share. So then if you don't know how to help, you can do some research to figure out how to help. You can also do some research and practice active listening skills." Evette tries to lay out solutions for her students when they are triggered. They practice using their coping skills when they are not triggered, so that when they get triggered they can say something like, "I'm feeling uncomfortable. I need some space." Or maybe they need a walk or a hug. Evette emphasizes just being there for the person. You may feel you're walking on eggshells around them, but just try to understand what they need. What are some things that should be avoided when helping people healing from trauma?
"If you're processing with someone and they're crying and then you show them the tissue box, that will stop their processing. It's sending the message that it's not okay to cry. And tears are a part of healing."
Evette says you need to ask yourself, "Am I handing this box to them because I cannot hold this space for them right now and I'm uncomfortable?" She says you need to be aware of your own trauma and what makes you uncomfortable in order for you to be able to hold that space for others. She also says you need to be wary of hugging people when you're processing with them. Some people like physical touch, but for some people it reminds them of their trauma. "Be there to help, not fix. If they need advice, they'll ask for it." Evette also says that you should avoid asking them why. "You don't need to know all the details. You just need to know how to tap into their own personal resources to get through. There are no magic wands. We can't fix people over night." Evette tells the story of the Emperor Moth whose cocoon was clipped so he didn't need to struggle, and how the moth died because he needed to struggle in order to have the strength to the survive. She relates this to people who want to fix loved ones who are struggling with trauma. She also gives a friendly reminder to not ask people to calm down. What happens in the brain when people get triggered?
Evette calls it an amygdala hijack. "When your amygdala thinks there is a threat it is on high alert. Some people freeze, fight, flight, or fawn."
"There are so many different thoughts about why you fight, flight, freeze, flee, or fawn," she explains. The fawn response is a survival instinct that can be confused with consent. For example, if someone is being assaulted and they take their own pants off because they're afraid that if they don't comply they won't survive. What would you say to someone who has experienced trauma but doesn't want to seek professional help?
"There are a lot of resources. The Body Keeps The Score is a book that professionals use as well as victims of trauma." Evette also encourages therapy, but she understands that finding a therapist isn't an easy process. She had to undergo therapy during her masters program as a requirement of the program. She knew she had experienced her own trauma, but she thought that she was fine and didn't need any therapy. Once she started she realized how difficult it was to open up and how scary it was. She had to take baby steps. So even as someone who was in the process of becoming a therapist, she felt how scary it can be to trust another person with your deepest vulnerabilities.
Evette feels that when people experience trauma and aren't able to heal from it they can receive a mental or emotional diagnosis and get a label slapped on and get some meds so they don't feel it anymore - which makes it really tricky to help trauma survivors know how to heal. "Trauma is a process and it takes time, patience, self-compassion, and not demanding much from others who don't get it."
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